The Kumano Kudo

The walk of the pilgrims

through the arduous kii mountains.
A journey that cleanses sins,
removes burning desires
and purifies the soul.

Walking and praying,
the pilgrims call upon the spirits of the forest.
Messages from the ghosts of pilgrims past
echo in each step and in each breath.

The sacred 3-legged crow soars above,
showing the true path,
guiding the way on.

Honggu Shrine, Nachi Shrine

The Nakamechi trail,
through the Kumano Sanzen,
the walk of the 3 mountain shrines,
Honggu, Nachi and Natayama.

130km of mountain trail.
130km of time to think and pray.
From oji to oji, on and on they go.
the burning sun scorching,
the rain water pouring.

A test of endurance
To show that each step is merely a step.



So that when they prostrate themselves before God
The God of self
Ringing the bells in front of the temple doors
the prayers are pure
resonating from deep within,
in all pureness and goodness.




And prayers are answered,
not as a mocking reward for the painful journey,
but as a gift of self discovery
Because through the meditation of the walk,
the true self is revealed.

And we realize that what we want is what we already have.
That which is within and had been with us all along.

Two Rivers ~ One Sea

Two Rivers

C G7

We are two rivers flow

F

Flowing to the sea

G7 F

I want you to be you

G C

I want me to be me.

Chorus :

C

We’re two rivers,

G7

Flowing rivers

F G7

Rivers, to the sea…..

C G7

Rivers, flowing rivers,

F G

Journeying to the sea.

Sometimes our paths may cross

But sometimes maybe naught.

It’s ok cos you will see

That’s how it’s meant to be.

We are two separate beings,

Meandering to the sea

We’re together yet apart and

That’s how it’s gonna be

I wrote this song for someone I was seeing a couple of months ago (1st song I ever wrote and I was pretty pleased with myself!)

Whilst doing the Shikoku walk, there was a long stretch along the river and my Two Rivers song kept coming to me (yeah, it's such a great song with such a catchy tune.... haha). Anyway, I was singing along at the top of my lungs and then BANG, suddenly, the meanings of the words came to me!

I can't imagine what I must have been thinking when I wrote it! At that time, I honestly couldn't for the life of me understand why Mr M wasn't ecstatic with joy when I sang and dedicated this song to him. Needless to stay, that relationship didn't last very long. Mr M did not appreciate the "Let's be together yet apart" relationship and looking back at it now, I wonder if I had been more willing to be more "together-together", we would still be together! haha)

The rivers flow into one sea

One fabric ~ one ocean

All beings ~ All living things

To feel pain when you are in pain

To feel happiness when you are happy

To be one

Wisdom and compassion melting

as the diamond scepter penetrates the heart of the lotus flower

united as one.

The Pilgrimage of Life

I did parts of 2 pilgrimages in Japan : The Kumano Kudo, a Shinto pilgrimage through the Kii mountains and The 88 Temple Shikoku pilgrimage, a Buddhist pilgramage tracing the steps of a Zen Buddhist Monk Koba Dashi though the mountains of Shikoku.

I love walking and hiking, but I tried to do these walks a little differently. A pilgrimage is not merely a walk, it is a meditation that uses all the 5 senses so that we can awaken the 6th sense (mind consciousness) and the 7th sense (ultimate reality). I read somewhere that if you can only hear yourself breath, you are walking too fast; slow down and hear Koba Dashi! For those of you who have hiked with me, you can imagine how difficult that must have been for me! But, walk slowly I did. Everytime I was tempted to break into a run, I heard Koba Dashi tell me "You will not be laughing when you fall and slip on the wet rocks!" In the mountains, there is no telephone reception and I'd walk 15km without seeing a single soul!

After a few hours I think I started to understand. I saw beyond what the eyes could see (mirages in the sky and reflecting off the trees - or maybe that was too much sun and exhaustion!); I heard beyond what the ears could hear (There was a lot of chatting with Koba Dashi, I heard birds chanting the Hannya Shin Gyo, rivers singing.... The songs of the mosquitos and flies in my ears where a little less pleasant at first, but even that became a friend by the end of the 1st day!); I smelt beyond what the nose could smell (There were times when I had wiffs of fragrant incense burning like in a temple. This was actually kindda creepy. As the smell came and went, it felt like someone was passing through!) I tasted beyond what I would normally taste (Parts of the route go through orchards and gardens and I was plucking and eating everything in sight- oranges, plums, prunes, apricots, berries (and it is not berry season I don't think!). Generally the fruits were delicious, but I tasted some pretty odd stuff. I don't know if I was eating things that weren't meant to be eaten or maybe they were not ripe.... but I have now experienced bitterness and sourness beyond what I have ever tasted before!) The sense of touch I am not so sure about; I think it is partly feeling the rootedness and groundedness with the earth, but also feeling the touch of the breeze and the rain mist!

I had 2 sutras (The Rishi Kyo & Hannya Shin Gyo) and some Koans (I think I am getting somewhere with the Sound of One Hand Clapping!) that I meditated on. Before I set-off on the Henlo (Shikoku Pilgrimage), I went to the temple with some friends and after 1 and 1/2 hrs of chanting the Rishi Kyo, I asked them what it meant. Makoto broke out into song "Everything little thing, is gonna be alright!" I guess Bob Marley understood the Rishi Kyo! The Hannya Shin Gyo is one of the most popular sutras (I guess it is equivalent to our Lord's Prayer.) Every good buddhist knows it by heart! I tried to learn the Hannya Shin Gyo, but it was too tough, so I focused on the last stanza "Gya Tei, Gya Tei, Hara Gya Tei, Hara So Gya Tei, Bo Ji So Wa Ka, Hanny Shin Gyo" and that basically means to "Go Forth"! So , my meditation was "Just Go On, Everything is gonna be alright!". Funny thing is, I already knew that! I was actually looking for "Where to go on to!!!"

Jokes aside, I think I did see some light! I used to think that life was a journey and it didn't matter much which path one took because it was the journey that mattered. Well, I think I see things a little differently now. Life is not just a journey, it is a pilgrimage. We walk through life with all our senses, completely in the NOW, but there is a purpose in the walk; a destination. Socrates said that Knowledge is the most important thing and the most important knowledge is to know thyself. When we know ourselves, we will know what our purpose is (our destiny)! Pretty good stuff right? I guess it is much better than just wandering through life..... you can enjoy every moment, but after a while, it is just pointless without that greater meaning!

The Kumano Kudo & Shikoku 88 temple are both pretty well marked trails but I had this uncanning knack of getting lost! And the reason I always got lost was because I turned off the trail when I wasn't supposed to. It seems pretty obvious that one should stay walking along the path unless told to do otherwise, right? Well, it isn't! Trail runners can tell you how we zone-out and very often don't even see the signs! But in my case, I think I got lost because I imagined a turn-off when there wasn't one! The sign would look like it was pointing off, or it seemed like there would be a village if I turned off, or the map looked like there should be a turning.... And if we take this learning into the pilgrimage of life, it works in exactly the same way! So often we beat ourselves up over having to make some decision or other... "so many roads, which should I take???" When in fact, making a decision is actually really easy. If something is meant to happen, the universe will work in such a way that it will be obvious (everything will just fall into place!). The road is very clearly marked and when it is time to turn-off, signs to turn off will be there! If you have to battle, fight and are not sure... better stay put on the path!

ZEN 101 (amended with new insight!) :)

A Zen mind is a beginner's mind; Free of all judgement, preconceived ideas and open to all possibilities & opportunities.

I have spent the past 3 weeks trying to understand what I can about Japanese Zen Buddhism (with an open heart and a Zen mind), but it isn't easy. After many hours of walking, sitting, chanting and talking Zen, I am still not sure I am getting it! I read through my journal (many pages of a very thick book), and there are loads of different ideas but I feel like I am looking at bits and pieces of a huge jig-saw puzzle and am not quite getting the full picture.

Zen masters actually do not encourage the intellectualisation of Zen. I thought Master Osho (Head of the Hossenji Temple) was being mean and lazy when he refused to give me an english translation of the sutras we were chanting, but upon further reflection, I think it may actually be part of the training. If someone gives us a piece of paper and tells us 'This is a piece of paper', we have a pre-conceived idea about what the piece of paper is (what it is made of, what it can be used for etc... ) On the other hand, if we are given something and do not know what it is, we are not limited by the pre-given label and will take the pain to investigate into the true essence of the object. (the lines and texture of the paper, the fact that is was from a tree, the various possibilities of how we can put it to use etc...) Similarly, in the chanting of the sutras I guess we should first experience the sutras through the vibrations of the sounds and only when we start to be familiar with it (start to feel the stirring of the heart), then we can start studying the various translations. They say that Zen is an experiential practise and not an academic study!

There are nevertheless many books on Zen (in every temple and house) and I have been earnestly devouring all I can. Which is probably why I am so confused! The more I read, the more confused I get! Everything is a matter of perception and since there are no right and wrong answers, it is all a matter of how we look at things! If I were to stand in front of an elephant, I would describe him as having huge ears, a long trunk, tiny eyes etc...., but a person standing behind the elephant will describe it as having thick legs, a big bottom, a thin tail etc.... And we would both be right! It's all a matter of perspective! Well, my problem is that I want to see the WHOLE ELEPHANT, and in this whole elephant hunt, I am starting to feel like I am seeing pink flying elephants!

According to Chapter 1 of Buddhas teachings (which we covered Day 1 at the temple), life is suffering. Me, I don't get where this doom and gloom is coming from! Life is wonderful. Granted, some people may not have it that easy, but isn't pain & suffering, merely experiences given so that we can grow to reveal our true inner self and to develop greater compassion for others? I think it may have something to do with the Theory of Interconnectedness : Since we are all one, if there is anyone who is suffering, we feel and experience their suffering too.... hmm.... I honestly don't know how much pain & suffering of the world I can hold in my heart (or on my shoulders)! Gotta think about how to be compassionate (Ultimate compassion - Namo Avalokiteshvera Ayam) and still Be Happy!

I think I got a new understanding about the concept of living in the NOW that I am feeling pretty chuffed about though! Everyone kept talking about being present in the NOW and not dwelling in the past or projecting into the future... For me, that always had a sense of recklessness to it that I was not too comfortable with! If we live in the now and never think of the future, isn't that living a life of no consequence and isn't a life without consequence therefore inconsequential and meaningless! You know when Eckart Tolle (the guy who wrote The Power of Now) abandoned his life and was homeless for I don't remember how many years... Well, I never really understood that! The Zen Now, I found out, is not just about a single moment though, it actually encompasses all moments from the past (in this life and previous lives) and encompasses all moments of the future (including that of future generations), because every moment, every encounter, everything that happens, happens for a reason. Everything is interconnected and interdependent. The Zen life is therefore not the life of a libertine, but is a life of past and future karmic responsibility; for society, for community and for family!

PS : The above half finished note was written about 1 week ago. I have just gotten back from doing part of the Shikoku 88 temple pilgramage and after much chatting with "Saint" Kobai Dashi, I think my jig-saw is starting to take shape! All is not in vain! I need to go through my notebook and try to summarise my rambling-ons for the next post!

Gya-tei, Gya-Tei, Hara Gya-Tei, Hara So Gya-tei, Boji So Wa Ka, Hannya Shin Gyo!

The past year

Wow, it's been a year since I blogged. So much has happened I don't even know where to start. So, some highlights :

1. I organised The North Face 100 ~ The 1st 100km off-road ultramarathon in Singapore. It was bloody hard work but I loved it! It reminded me of when I was in Michelin and we were creating stuff (new tyres, new events, new ads....); well I got to create a new running event from scratch! (The sad 300pax event they did before I came aboard doesn't count!) The people were great fun and running the trails was just amazing. To come up with the race route, I pretty much ran all the possible trails in Singapore (legal & illegal); a lot of it was done on my own so good alone-time there. This year's race is going to open next week so I am going to have loads of work coming up........






2. South America ~ Nov / Dec 09 was spent traveling through Peru & Bolivia. It was absolutely perfect; hiking, ice mountain climbing, cycling.... I was alone for most part of the trip but met up with Rachel to cycle down the Death Road (where I nearly killed myself and still have scars to show for it !) and a bunch of Spore friends to do the Inca trail hike to Machu Pichu. I think I am going to save this trip for a separate blog post!

3. Kids ~ No little girl yet, but the little men I have are growing up to be superb little beings that I am super proud of! On the academic front, Mat was 1st in class two years in a row, Nic came in 3rd in class, scored amazingly well for his PSLEs and got into ACS (I), Stephan is slowly learning how to read, but definitely making progress! On the sports front, Mat's in the ACS Rugby team and they have been winning all the championships, all 3 boys ran their 1st 10km race (doing it in 1hr 15-20mins!), Stephan swam in his 1st inter-club swim meet (but didn't win) and participated in his 1st Biathlon, Nic started playing soft-ball this year........ Pretty amazing boys! I can't help but think of something Ajahn Brahm said though: "If your child is in the top 10% or bottom 10%, you are a BAD PARENT!" According to the Buddhists, it is only in taking the Middle Way that we can find true liberation. ie : Nothing in extremes, everything in moderation! Does being in the Top 10% make them arrogant? Will it make them complacent? I am afraid that there might be something in that as I look at my boys now...... This is definitely to be monitored closely!





















4. Yoga ~ This is my little stash of gold dust! When I started teaching, I had little time for my own practise and I think I really suffered (without realising it!) It was only in the past 6 months that I have re-found my passion for yoga. I realised that I cannot just practise on my own, I need a Sangha, a community where there is support and sharing of energy, of love and of knowledge! Erika & Tim have welcomed me back to the Oasis family and it is so comforting to know I can go there to practise with other teachers,to go for meditation sittings, attend intensives...... The group do free practise twice a week and I generally try to dedicate one morning a week when I do not teach so that I can practise with them (and have breakfast after!) They practise Iyengar which I am not too familiar with, but it is definitely putting some discipline into my own practise!

urdheva dhanurasana ~ my antidote






I go for Contact Improvisation every Monday night; this isn't yoga per se, but it is definitely meditation and is playing a big role in my yoga journey. The breaking down of barriers, letting go of frustrations, the building of trust, awareness and contact with other beings! I love it!

I have also started doing "Osho-style" Active & Dynamic meditation with Singa Sanga. I have been for 2 sessions this week and I think I may be getting it! I found the cathartic releasing a bit difficult to begin with, but once the lights went out, I could scream, shout and cry till my hearts content and wow, that was cool! The free dancing, jumping around was all very refreshing!

I was given the chance to do some AcroYoga recently, thanks to new friend, Marc. It was so amazingly fun that I wish I could find people to do it with all the time. Alas, Marc has left and I'll need to see how I can develop this into something!

My yoga journey has taken on new dimensions and it is all deliciously exciting. Namaste!

Massage : I give a couple of massages a week and it is a nice meditation. I think I do some good so that makes me happy! :)

5. Diving Similan Islands - The boys and I were in Phuket last month. The boys took their Padi Open Water and I finally did my Advanced. We had a marvelous trip with our friends aboard the Black Manta~ The Teongs and The Wongs and a bunch of new friends that we met on the trip! We saw a manta, sharks, moray eels, beautiful stuff...... Then the boys and I spent quality chillax time (just us) going from beach to beach along the coast of Phuket.



















Trekking to the beaches and loads of playing!!!!













6. Me & Sports - I decided to go easy on the triathlon training. My body was feeling awfully battered : painful knees & ankles from running, tight shoulders from cycling....... I managed to conquer my fear of swimming by swimming 35laps non-stop, decided to do a Biathlon on my own (this was me not wanting to sign up for the official biathlon cos I did not want it to be an ego trip, but I think it was also because I am so slow I didn't want everyone to know how bad I was) ~ 30 laps in the SICC pool (44mins) followed by 11km loop around MacRitchie! (1hr 10mins) That accomplished, I decided to give it all a rest. That was about 3 months ago and my body feels great! I ran a half marathon last weekend (unplanned, with zero training and very slow 2hrs 45 mins ~ good 15 mins worse than my previous time!), but other than a little pain in the knee the next morning, I was absolutely fine! I can't decide what to do! I get this urge to put on my running shoes whenever I see someone else running...... sigh.





Can't recall which race this was! Family Race with sis Peng & Sis-in-law jasmine

7.Me & religion ~ A confusing place. I recently joined the Buddhist fellowship (If you know my mother, please don't tell her!) and actually enjoy going for the talks! I like the people, I like what they say...... BUT, I am still a christian! haha. I tried going to Chinese church recently. It was really quite good : My chinese is really poor, so I had to concentrate really hard to understand what the pastor was saying. And having to concentrate so hard, left me no time to argue with the Word of God! In my normal church, I feel like I am always arguing with my pastor in my head. He'd say something like "Fear God" or "No one can enter the kingdom of God except through me" ("me" as in Jesus!) and it would really tick me off! Why should I fear God? I love God, He loves me.... we have a relationship based on Love, not Fear! OR Why must you believe in Jesus to go to Heaven? My Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim & Hindu friends are going to heaven too! Anyway, there is only Heaven (I don't believe in Hell)..... and the debate goes on and on in my head and I have no idea what the pastor wanted to say in the 1st place! So, religion and I continue to be in a difficult place.

8.Me & Men ~ Well Tim and I finally managed to break-up. It took 1 yr of complete radio silence for us to move on. He will always hold a special place in my heart but I am happy to say that we are both in a better place now! So, I have been dating, and it is all very pleasant but I haven't brought anyone home to meet the boys and mum yet! And who knows.....

And I am happy! Supremely happy! I look at my life with complete gratitude for everything I have and I am bursting with joy! (And no, I have not taken any San Pedro lately, so this is REAL! :))


PS: Oh, and I finally got a tattoo.
Spirals of life : representing the cycle of life & impermanence in everything
3 spirals : for my 3 beautiful boys
The vine : The spirals give birth to Beauty & more Life (& Happiness)....

To Blog or not to Blog

I was looking up some information on this blog today (To be honest, I was checking out my man-list!) and ended up spending the past hour reading through all that happened these past few years! It was a really great read!

I stopped blogging last year cos I felt that I was telling the world too much about myself! So I stopped blogging, but journaled with traditional pen & paper instead. (The yogabodywork blog isn't really a blog since it only has boring yoga stuff on it!) I wrote all the "real" stuff in little notebooks and I now have 5 or 6 little notebooks filled with un-readable notes that I never go back to. The thing about writing a blog is that even though I was writing for myself, I still took the pain to do a minimum of editing. My pen & paper journals are filled with verbose rattling-ons that don't make any sense! And there are no pictures!

So, I think I am going to come back to blogging! WELCOME HOME!

I'm Moving...........

www.yogabodywork.blogspot.com